Ham Ham IM
by StaraLaura
Summary: What the title says! A well rounded humor fic dedicated to the insanity of the internet! Hamtaro and the gang find IM and make the most of it. It may or may not be funny... Just another pathetic attempt at humor without atomic bombs.
1. Chapter 1

All I have to say is that I was bored. VERY bored and I really didn't want to work on any of my other stories. I just updated Daycare Days, I am working on Hamtaro the Brave, I've finished writing Ribbons of Change, in the process of making a sequel to Come Back, Bijou, and have written the prologue for the sequel to Ribbons of Change. If that's not enough for you, I have Algebra finals. DID YOU HAVE FUN TORTURING ME?!

This story is basically where the ham-hams become connected with the IM system! Yay! Can ya'll review? Pretty please with a cherry on top?

Disclaimer: I don't Hamtaro. Or any of its characters.

* * *

Hamtaro- OrangeSunshine

Bijou- Ribbonluvr

Oxnard- iSunflowerseed

Boss- IAmBoss(!)

Pashmina- ILUVPINK

Penelope- Cutie123

Dexter- DexHasPex

Howdy- IcAnTsEeYoU

Maxwell- SmartyParty

Sandy- xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx

Stan- xxTIGERRIFFICxx

Panda- PandaPalooza

Cappy- IDon'tKnowWhatToCallMyself

Snoozer- ZZZkid

Jingle- JingleBells

* * *

_OrangeSunshine has logged into the chat room_

OrangeSunshine: ham ha everyone!

OrangeSunshine: everyone?

OrangeSunshine: guess dat no one is here. ill log on later.

_OrangeSunshine has logged out of the chat room_

_Ribbonluvr has logged into the chat room_

_xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx has logged into the chat room_

_xxTIGERRIFFICxx has logged into the chat room_

_PandaPalooza has logged into the chat room_

_JingleBells has logged into the chat room_

_iSunflowerseed has logged into the chat room_

Ribbonluvr: where did hamtaro go?

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: why worry about hamtaro when you can spend time with a dude like me?

Ribbonluvr: …

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: yea i struck out…

PandaPalooza: so how the heck did we all get to IM each other?

Ribbonluvr: i still do not where hamtaro is. where is he? i saw that he was on earlier

iSunflowerseed: idk

JingleBells: WHAT THE HECK DOES IDK STAND FOR? ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOURE DECAYING?! IM LOGGING OFF, THERE ARE DEAD ZOMBIES SURFING THE INTERNET!

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: no it stands for i don't know

_JingleBells has logged out of the chat room._

Ribbonluvr: too late

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: ttly. totally

_ILUVPINK has logged into the chat room_

Ribbonluvr: Pashmina!

iSunflowerseed: where were you? and where's penelope?

ILUVPINK: she had to take a nap

_Cutie123 has logged into the chat room_

Cutie123: hi evyrone!

ILUVPINK: YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING A NAP

PandaPalooza: penelope can't spell apparently

Cutie123: shuddup!

PandaPalooza: what did i tell ya?

ILUVPINK: GET BACK TO BED RIGHT NOW!

Cutie123: y? can't i just see what you guys talk about?

ILUVPINK: NO!!!!!!

Cutie123: can't I?

ILUVPINK: NO!!!!

Cutie123: you know dat u wont make any friends saying, 'NOOOOOO!!'

ILUVPINK: NO!

Cutie123: you're stupid

ILUVPINK: NO!!!

Cutie123: are you stupid?

ILUVPINK: NO!!!!

Ribbonluvr: well this is interesting

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: yuppers!

Cutie123: r u stupid?

ILUVPINK: NO!

Cutie123: r u stupid?

ILUVPINK: NO!

Cutie123: r u straight?

ILUVPINK: NO!!!

_IAmBoss(!) has logged into the chat room_

IAmBoss(!): i finally get my computer working and i see people admitting they're lesbian. pashmina, ur not straight?

ILUVPINK: I am so straight! penelope decided to make fun of me! she made me keep typing in "No!" and so then she asked me if I was straight and since my reflexes were used to typing in "NO!", then that's what I typed in. but i'm straight, ok!?

Cutie123: LMFAO! im laughing so hard right now! i can't believe that actually worked! it only happened once to that one kid and he was jumped after school. he kept yelling, "I'VE BEEN RAPED! I'VE BEEN RAPED, CALL THE POLICE!"

ILUVPINK: THAT IS IT! I'M GOING TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU TAKE YOUR NAP! TO SNOOZE OFF THAT PERVERTED TONGUE AND SAILOR'S MOUTH!

Cutie123: I DIDN'T MEAN IT PASHMINA, NO PAHSMINA, PLEASE! I'LL BE A GOOD GIRL!

_ILUVPINK has logged out of the chat room_

Cutie123: I'M GONNA DIE!!!! Bye, guys! I now am going to run for my life.

_Cutie123 has logged out of the chat room_

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: wow…

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: just… wow… bye?

IAmBoss(!): this is weird. so whos on here?

PandaPalooza: panda

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: sandy

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: stan

Ribbonluvr: bijou

iSunflowerseed: oxnard

IAmBoss: thats it? jingle told me that he was on here! he lied

PandaPalooza: no, he was just crapping his pants after he logged on here

IAmBoss: … and how do you know this?

_DexHasPex has logged into the chat room_

DexHasPex: hey whats up?

_PandaPalooza has logged out of the chat room_

DexHasPex: y did panda log off when i just got on?

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: dude just LOOK at ur username

DexHasPex: is pashmina on here?

Ribbonluvr: she left to go take care of penelope

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: dex, change your username

DexHasPex: y? its for pashmina

IAmBoss(!): maybe i should do that…

iSunflowerseed: 4 who boss?

IAmBoss(!): NVM! NOT BIJOU, DEFINITELY NOT BIJOU!

_PandaPalooza has logged into the chat room_

PandaPalooza: is dex finally gone?

DexHasPex: what do you think?

PandaPalooza: UGH, I'M LEAVING THIS! DEX, IF YOU WANT ANY FRIENDS AND WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE, CHANGE YOUR USERNAME!

_PandaPalooza has logged out of the chat room_

_SmartyParty has logged into the chat room_

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: Maxy!

SmartyParty: Hey, Sandy. What are you guys talking about?

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: *snicker* y aren't u talking like this?

SmartyParty: I don't know. I just don't want to get in the habit of typing like that. It's bad grammar, don't you think?

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: IM THINK IM GONNA CRAP MY PANTS LIKE JINGLE DID WHEN HE WAS SCARED! ONLY I'M LAUGHING AND CRAPPING WHILE JINGLE WAS SCREAMING AND CRAPPING!

SmartyParty: … Jingle crapped his pants? And how do you know this?

IAmBoss: max, that's exactly what i was wondering

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: THAT'S IT STAN! UR DEAD FOR MAKING FUN OF MAXY!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: yeah right

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: i know where you live…

_xxTIGERRIFFICxx has logged out of the chat room_

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: *sigh* that was too easy. well, i better stick to my word of beating stan up! bye everyone!

_xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx has logged out of the chat room_

SmartyParty: She's so, so, SO hot…

DexHasPex: OKAY, I DON'T EVEN TALK LIKE THAT TO PASHMINA! SHUT UP, BOOKWORM BEFORE YOU MANAGE TO MAKE ME PUKE!

Ribbonluvr: i still am blinded by dexter's username

_IcAnTsEeYoU has logged into the chat room_

IcAnTsEeYoU: hey there ya'll! it's howdy!

DexHasPex: GACK!!! I GOT TO GET OUT OF THIS CHAT ROOM BEFORE HOWDY FINDS OUT MY USERNAME!

_DexHasPex has logged out of the chat room_

IcAnTsEeYoU: what the heck was that about? dex doesn't have pex!

SmartyParty: Well, that was a smart maneuver by Dexter…

Ribbonluvr: OUI. dat was stupid

IcAnTsEeYoU: was that seriously dexter? dexter doesn't have any pex or any muscle!

iSunflowerseed: thats what we thought too…

IcAnTsEeYoU: ok, im not going to ask any more questions

_IDon'tKnowWhatToCallMyself has logged into the chat room_

Ribbonluvr: who is this?

IDon'tKnowWhatToCallMyself: … Micheal Jackson?

_xxTIGERRIFFICxx_ _has logged into the chat room_

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: MICHEAL JACKSON? CAN I ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS?!

IDon'tKnowWhatToCallMyself: Sure…

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: Okay, okay. r u black or white?

IDon'tKnowWhatToCallMyself: Kinda both…

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: r u a man or woman?

IDon'tKnowWhatToCallMyself: Kinda both…

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: r u gay or straight?

IDon'tKnowWhatToCallMyself: Kinda both…

_xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx has logged into the chat room_

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: STAN!!!! I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET! PREPARE TO DIE!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: MICHEAL! HELP ME! MY CARZY STISER IS ATATCIKNG ME! I CNAT TPYE!

IDon'tKnowWhatToCallMyself: stan, im actually cappy, not micheal jackson

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! I'M SCREWED, I'M SO SCREWED! PLEASE, SANDY, HAVE MERCY!!!! NOW I KNOW WHAT IF FEELS LIKE TO BE DONALD TRUMP! PEOPLE KEEP JUDGING THE GUY AND HITTING HIM IN THE HEAD WITH A GOLD CLUB!

IAmBoss(!): HIT HIM HARDER, SANDY!

SmartyParty: DO IT FOR ME, SANDY!

Ribbonluvr: ARE YOU KIDDING? DO IT FOR EVERYONE WHO EVER MADE ANY CONTACT WITH HIM, SANDY!

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: DIEEEEEE, STAN, DIE!!!!!!! THIS IS FOR RUINING MY LIFE!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: dude, that was cold… WAIT, NO, NO, NOT THAT!!!!

_xxTIGERRIFFICxx has logged out of the chat room_

_xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx has logged out of the chat room_

_ZZZkid has logged into the chat room_

iSunflowerseed: Snoozer! ur here, i was so bored. everyone is killing each other

IAmBoss(!): scary cuz we don't know what happened to pashmina and penelope.

Ribbonluvr: OH, NO, PLEASE BOSS, DON'T FILL MY HEAD WITH ALL OF THOSE IMAGES!

IAmBoss(!): What images- OH, MY FRICKING G, NO! I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!!!!

Ribbonluvr: I'm done with this chat! it is too sick!

_Ribbonluvr has logged out of the chat room_

IAmBoss(!): I have to tell her that I never meant it like that!

_IAmBoss(!) has logged out of the chat room_

iSunflowerseed: Bijou is never going to forgive Boss, right Snoozer?

SmartyParty: What's wrong with Snoozer?

iSunflowerseed: I think he fell asleep at the computer! Oh, lord, why is it always me who has to wake him up?

_iSunflowerseed has logged out of the chat room_

IDon'tKnowWhatToCallMyself: well this is jacked up. there's only three people on the chat

IcAnTsEeYoU: i hear ya. so what should we talk about

SmartyParty: Books? Sandy? Books?

IDon'tKnowWhatToCallMyself: max, that's what you talk about to yourself in the mirror every morning. gtg, i want to leave this crap room

SmartyParty: I DO NOT! AND THIS IS A CHAT ROOM, NOT A CRAP ROOM!

_IDon'tKnowWhatToCallMyself has logged out of the chat room_

IcAnTsEeYoU: well, it's just me and you max…

SmartyParty: OMFG, FYI, I NEED TO GO ASAP, BECAUSE SANDY NEEDS MY HELP BEATING UP STAN! GTG, TTYL! OKAY, I PROBABLY WON'T EVER TALK TO YOU AGAIN IF YOU EVER TALK LIKE THAT TO ME AGAIN! I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, GENIUS!

_SmartyParty has logged out of the chat room_

IcAnTsEeYoU: DANG IT! BYE, SLEEPING SNOOZER!

_IcAnTsEeYoU has logged out of the chat room_

_OrangeSunshine has logged into the chat room_

OrangeSunshine: HAM HA, EVERYONE! I BET EVERYONE IS HERE NOW!

OrangeSunshine: … I'll wait…

OrangeSunshine: They're coming…

OrangeSunshine: I know that they're coming!

ZZZkid: hi…

OrangeSunshine: SNOOZER! BUDDY, UR MY BUDDY, I LOVE MY BUDDY! BECAUSE MY OTHER BUDDIES LEFT ME! SO UR MY BUDDY! WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT, BUDDY?!

OrangeSunshine: buddy?

ZZZkid: gtg, hamtaro. i'm going to take a nap

_ZZZkid has logged out of the chat room_

OrangeSunshine: OH, COME ON!

_OrangeSunshine has logged out of the chat room_


	2. Chapter 2

Yeah, um, I'm bored today. Studying for algebra finals isn't exactly how I want to spend my free time. It's kind of cold here Colorado today, so that scratches going outside… DANG IT! Plus, I wanted to continue this story, it was kind of fun to write about. I understand that some (Kennedy…) didn't really understand who was who. I'm really sorry about that…

THIS IS NOW A HAM-HUMAN STORY. SUCKS TO BE ME, I KNOW!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hamtaro or any of its characters.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hamtaro- OrangeSunshine

Bijou- Ribbonluvr

Oxnard- iSunflowerseed

Boss- IAmBoss(!)

Pashmina- ILUVPINK

Penelope- Cutie123

Dexter- DexHasPex

Howdy- IcAnTsEeYoU

Maxwell- SmartyParty

Sandy- xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx

Stan- xxTIGERRIFFICxx

Panda- PandaPalooza

Cappy- Leprechaunkiddo (CHANGED)

Snoozer- ZZZkid

Jingle- JingleBells

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_JingleBells has logged into the chat room_

JingleBells: … Are all of the scary people gone?!

_ILUVPINK has logged into the chat room_

JingleBells: Pashmina!

ILUVPINK: jingle? did you log on yesterday?

JingleBells: yea, but oxnard was scaring me b/c he said that he was decaying

ILUVPINK: decaying?

JingleBells: yea, he said idk

ILUVPINK: BWHAHAHAHA! JINGLE UR AN IDIOT!

JingleBells: what?

ILUVPINK: IDK STANDS FOR "I DON'T KNOW!"

JingleBells: … oh

_OrangeSunshine has logged into the chat room_

OrangeSunshine: OMG, SOMEONE IS ON HERE! I'M NOT A LONELY WUSS ANYMORE!

JingleBells: is hamtaro on crack?

ILUVPINK: i have no idea…

OrangeSunshine: no no no, i was on here and then logged out cuz no one was here and then i logged back in and missed all the fun! BUT I'M SO HAPPY THAT I FOUND SOMEONE ON HERE! JOY TO THE WORLD THAT ALL IS CALM!

JingleBells: well, i was on here because I spend my time wisely…

_Leprechaunkiddo has logged into the chat room_

Leprechaunkiddo: hi everyone, its cappy! i changed my username since i thought of a name for me!

ILUVPINK: hiya cappy!

JingleBells: tell me, cappy, is hamtaro on crack?

OrangeSunshine: NO!!!!

Leprechaunkiddo: ok, imaging hamtaro's face when he said "NO!", he is on crack

JingleBells: thank you for answering the question correctly

OrangeSunshine: i'm going to log off if you guys make fun of me anymore!

JingleBells: knock yourself out

_DexHasPex has logged into the chat room_

DexHasPex: i'm finally on here!

ILUVPINK: is that seriously you, dexter?

DexHasPex: sure is, pashmina! you like my username?

ILILUVPINK: uh… do i have to reply to that?

DexHasPex: OH, COME ON! IT TOOK ME FIVE MINTUES TO THINK OF!

_PandaPalooza has logged into the chat room_

PandaPalooza: …

ILUVPINK: Panda, do you see all of these crazy people? dex does not have any pex

PandaPalooza: I figured that out yesterday, yes…

OrangeSunshine: does no one love me anymore?

_Ribbonluvr has logged into the chat room_

Ribbonluvr: i love about you, hamtaro!

OrangeSunshine: no, bijou! get away from me, your love doesn't count!

Ribbonluvr: T-T

OrangeSunshine: what the heke are you doing?

Ribbonluvr: I'M CRYING YOU IDIOT! GAWSH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO TALK TO GIRL, EVEN ON IM!

Leprechaunkiddo: oh, so the after the crying stage, the denial stage starts right?

JingleBells: ugh…

ILUVPINK: what's wrong, jingle?

JingleBells: you people were born

PandaPalooza: that's not very nice

ILUVPINK: yea, jingle. just get off of the chat if you talk like that to us.

JingleBells: no because no matter how much i hate you guys, you people are entertaining! i would relate you to slinkies… useless, but so much fun watch fall down the stairs!

DexHasPex: ugh…

JingleBells: stay away from my catchphrase!

_IAmBoss(!) has logged into the chat room_

IAmBoss(!): hi everyone! jingle, i thought that your catchphrase was, "i'm just a wandering ham poet."

JingleBells: well, i can have a few more catchphrases

OrangeSunshine: MY CATCHPHRASE IS "SHAZAM!"

DexHasPex: …

PandaPalooza: what dexter said

ILUVPINK: but dexter didn't say anything

PandaPalooza: exactly

Ribbonluvr: don't you love me hamtaro?

OrangeSunshine: sure! i love everyone!

Ribbonluvr: …

ILUVPINK: OUCH, that had to hurt.

OrangeSunshine: but i didn't hit her! i'm five miles away! unless i have these cool powers, then i could make her slap herself.

Leprechaunkiddo: oh noes… get ready everyone

OrangeSunshine: OMG, I'M GOING TO SEE IF I HAVE SUPER POWERS! BRB!

_OrangeSunshine is now idle_

IAmBoss(!): My bets are that he's a goner

ILUVPINK: same with me

PandaPalooza: yup

DexHasPex: definitely

Leprechaunkiddo: he's gonna go try to fly by standing at the top of the stairs with one of those spinny hats and jump, thinking that he's going to fly

Ribbonluvr: ARE YOU SAYING THAT HE'S DYING RIGHT NOW?! NO, I DIDN'T MEAN FOR THIS TO GO SO WRONG!

JingleBells: bijou, wherever hamtaro is, he's probably thinking of you…

Ribbonluvr: awww, that'd be so sweet!

JingleBells: … and how you always nag at him.

Ribbonluvr: … i'm logging off…

IAmBoss(!): NO, BIJOU, DON'T LOG OFF!

Ribbonluvr: fine. but i'm not talking until sandy gets here

_xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx has logged into the chat room_

DexHasPex: well that was fast…

_SmartyParty has logged into the chat room_

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: hi, everyone! max and me are in the library

SmartyParty: sup, homies?

IAmBoss(!): what the hell was that, maxwell?!

SmartyParty: stan made a bet dat i couldn't talk like dis even if i got paid. but im doing it. and dying at the same time. my fingers are angry at me for soiling the english language's name

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: u guys should so see maxwell crying right now! XD

SmartyParty: I'M NOT CRYING! I'M JUST HAVING A BAD DAY CUZ OF STAN! 0_o

ILUVPINK: … i could so see maxwell's face like this 0_o

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: what else do you say, maxy?

SmartyParty: *sigh* YO, HOMIES! WAZUUUUUUUUUUUP?! THIS PLACE IS SO PIMP! TIGHTNESS ALERT! I'M HERE, SO YOUR DAILY PACKAGE OF ALSOMENESS HAS ARRIVED! YO, MAXIMILLION IS IN THE CHAT ROOM! WOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!!!

IAmBoss(!): BWHAHAHAHAHA! MAXWELL'S REPUTATION IS RUINED!

Ribbonluvr: i can't believe Maxwell is still breathing!

SmartyParty: i'm probably going 2 regret dis aren't i?

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: yuppers! 4 shure!

DexHasPex: so what should we talk about? i'm bored, even if maxwell's act is entertaining

_OrangeSunshine is no longer idle_

OrangeSunshine: ok, whatever you guys do, DON'T put on a spinny hat, get on top of the stairs, jump, and flap your arms. it HURTS. i was gone a little longer because i had to clean up the blood

SmartyParty: Might I ask you what happened?

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: maxy…

SmartyParty: UGH! fine… YO, RED, WAT HIT U IN THE HEAD AND HOW HARD DID IT HIT U?!

OrangeSunshine: is that seriously maxwell? or did someone kidnap the guy, stuff him in a broom closet, take a clone, and put maxwell the clone on IM?

ILUVPINK: don't worry, it's maxwell… i hope

Ribbonluvr: is it really maxwell, sandy?

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: idk, i'll check…

SmartyParty: wait… what is she gonna do to me?!

_xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx is now idle_

SmartyParty: WAIT, WAIT! GUYS, WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO ME?!

_SmartyParty is now idle_

Leprechaunkiddo: Oh. My. God. that's exactly why i don't have a girlfriend!

OrangeSunshine: that still doesn't answer my question.

_xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx is no longer idle_

xxTIGRESSLICOUSxx: yup, it's the real maxwell! i checked… Teehee!

OrangeSunshine: WOW! how do you know?

_SmartyParty is no longer idle_

SmartyParty: Hamtaro… you're way too young to understand…

OrangeSunshine: But i'm the same age as you…

JingleBells: this is exactly why i don't like IM

SmartyParty: AH, DANG, I STILL TASTE STRAWBERRY!

_IcAnTsEeYoU has logged into the chat room_

IcAnTsEeYoU: howdy ya'll, it's howdy! what about strawberry?

PandaPalooza: you don't wanna know

DexHasPex: you REALLY don't want to know

IcAnTsEeYoU: i'm just gonna go then…

_IcAnTsEeYoU has logged out of the chat room_

OrangeSunshine: I really want to know how to check if it's Maxwell though!

SmartyParty: …

OrangeSunshine: Sandy, could you teach me?!

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… HEY, MAX, LET'S GO TO UR HOUSE!

SmartyParty: SOUNDS GOOD! MAXIMILLION, OUT! PEACE OUT, HOMEDOGS!

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: toodles, everyone!

_xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx has logged out of the chat room_

_SmartyParty has logged out of the chat room_

IAmBoss(!): I really don't want to know what they're gonna do at Maxwell's house…

Ribbonluvr: *sob sob* WHY DID SANDY LEAVE ME?!

IAmBoss: YES, WHY DID MAXWELL LEAVE ME?!

DexHasPex: WHY'D THEY HAVE TO LEAVE US WITH HAMTARO?!

OrangeSunshine: ???

JingleBells: i need to go…

ILUVPINK: oh don't worry, the bathrooms by the library

JingleBells: thnx

_JingleBells is now idle_

DexHasPex: funny, i thought he meant "go" like "goodbye". how'd you know, pashmina?

ILUVPINK: i'm sitting next to jingle in detention

Leprechaunkiddo: how'd you get detention?!

PandaPalooza: you of all people, Pashmina?

ILUVPINK: yea, i kind of helped jingle trick the teacher into saying that his gay lover was outside… and the teacher ran outside.

IAmBoss(!): lol, that's funny!

OrangeSunshine: i don't get it. "Gay lover"? Is his gay lover happy?

DexHasPex: … idiot

Ribbonluvr: shut up, dexter

ILUVPINK: yeah, so i knew jingle had to go because his face was turning purple

PandaPalooza: wow, i'd pay to see that!

_JingleBells is no longer idle_

ILUVPINK: Jingle! y r u so pale? just a moment ago, you were red

JingleBells: can't talk… scarred for life…

IAmBoss(!): how are you scarred for life? did you watch oxnard play DDR? CUZ HE JIGGLED! THAT SCARRED ME FOR LIFE!

Ribbonluvr: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! THIS IS Y I HATE IM'S! THEY HAVE A BUNCH OF PERVERTED STUFF ON IT!

JingleBells: sandy… maxwell…

Leprechaunkiddo: yea, what about 'em?

ILUVPINK: jingle, you don't look so good. guys, he looks like he was about to throw up.

JingleBells: i need to type this. i can't say it

DexHasPex: spit it out, guitar boy!

JingleBells: I JUST WALKED IN ON SANDY AND MAXWELL DOING IT! IN THE LIBRARY!!!!!!!

Ribbonluvr: HOLY, HOLY, HOLY, HOLY! HOLY, HOLY, HOLY!

IAmBoss(!): OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!! I CAN'T IMAGINE THAT! AND YET, I'M HYPERVENTILATING! WHAT BIJOU SAID!

PandaPalooza: WHAT BOSS SAID!

DexHasPex: WHAT PANDA SAID!

Leprechaunkiddo: WHAT DEXTER SAID!

_ILUVPINK is now idle_

JingleBells: EWWWWWWWWWW, PASHMINA JUST THREW UP ALL OVER MY NEW SHOES!!! EWWWWWWW!!! BRB, I HAVE TO CLEAN UP THIS GUNK!

_JingleBells is now idle_

Ribbonluvr: I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE IT!

IAmBoss(!): EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! I'LL NEVER LOOK AT MAXWELL THE SAME AGAIN!

PandaPalooza: Or Sandy!

DexHasPex: I'm ready to throw up!

OrangeSunshine: Wait, i don't get it. what's "doing it"

IAmBoss(!): …

PandaPalooza: …

DexHasPex: …

Leprechaunkiddo: …

Ribbonluvr: … Hamtaro, it's time to learn a little about life, I'm going to tell you all about it so you don't ask EVER AGAIN

_Ribbonluvr has logged out of the chat room_

OrangeSunshine: I'm scared!

PandaPalooza: you should be…

OrangeSunshine: Gee, thanks for being great friends!

_OrangeSunshine is now idle_

DexHasPex: I'm worried for the poor guy

IAmBoss(!): me too, i just hope the kid won't be too shocked

_Ribbonluvr has logged into the chat room_

Leprechaunkiddo: bijou, what happened to Hamtaro?

Ribbonluvr: you'll see… about now.

_OrangeSunshine is no longer idle_

OrangeSunshine: I'M DYING, SWEET AND HOLY MOTHERLY CHEEZ-ITS! WHY DIDN'T MY PARENTS TELL ME ABOUT "THE MIRACLE OF LIFE"?! WHY DID I HAVE TO BE SO ANTI-SOCIAL!? DYING! I'LL NEVER BE THE SAME, I'LL NEVER BE THE SAME! DYING! I CAN'T WALK IN THE HALLS ANYMORE WITHOUT GAGGING AT SANDY AND MAXWELL!!!!! WHY?! WHY DIDN'T I GET THIS IN HEALTH CLASS?! MY LORD, I'M GOING TO DIE! DYING! MY STOMACH IS GONE, I FEEL SO DIZZY! DYING! I'M LOGGING OFF, I DON'T NEED TO KNOW ANY OF THIS ANYMORE! DYING! ASKING QUESTIONS IS A BAD THING, IT'S A VERY BAD THING AS I HAVE LEARNED TODAY! I'M DYING, I TELL YOU! DYING! DYING!!!!!!

_OrangeSunshine is now logged out of the chat room_

DexHasPex: well, he didn't take it very well.

IAmBoss(!): duh. just read all of that. that guy must be really scared if he can type that fast.

Ribbonluvr: I'm going to help the poor guy. Au revoir!!

_Ribbonluvr has logged out of the chat room_

_JingleBells is no longer idle_

_ILUVPINK is no longer idle_

JingleBells: Uh, we have to go. not like "go", but "goodbye". we got arrested for trying to find some disinfectant wipes

ILUVPINK: ugh, the thought of Sandy and Maxwell is going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

_Jingle Bells has logged out of the chat room_

_ILUVPINK has logged out of the chat room_

DexHasPex: well, i'm leaving then! I'm going to comfort pashmina before jingle can do anything to her

PandaPalooza: okay, seriously, dex, change ur name

DexHasPex: :-P

_DexHasPex has logged out of the chat room_

IAmBoss(!): well, what's on our minds today?

Leprechaunkiddo: sandy, maxwell, and some other messed up stuff. bye boss

_Leprechaunkiddo has logged out of the chat room_

IAmBoss(!): That's it! I'm not going to put up with you, Panda! good and bey!

_IAmBoss(!) has logged out of the chat room_

_IAmBoss(!) has logged into the chat room_

PandaPalooza: well, hello again boss, i didn't know that you'd miss me that much

IAmBoss(!): shuddup, i realized that i spelled "bye" wrong. so… BYE!

_PandaPalooza has logged out of the chat room_

IAmBoss(!): Dang it, he beat me! I'm going to jump him after school!

_IAmBoss(!) has logged out of the chat room_

_OrangeSunshine has logged into the chat room_

OrangeSunshine: DYING!

_OrangeSunshine has logged out of the chat room_

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I had fun writing that chapter, I really did! It totally unleashed my SxM fandom with a some pervertness! R&R, people! Oh, and I'm sorry I didn't put Oxnard, Howdy, Penelope, Stan, and Snoozer in this chapter… I'm going to put them in as the main characters next chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, I understand that some people think that this is confusing and pretty stale. THAT TOTALLY RUINS IT! LOL, JK! But I'll try not to do this in chat form so often now, probably I'll start in the other chapter. I'm sorry it seems so crazy, but that's what being a thirteen-year-old DOES TO YOU. I blame the hormones…

Disclaimer: I forgot if I put this up last chapter, but in all of my stories, in all of my chapters, I don't own Hamtaro or any of its characters.

**I JUST KIND OF WANT TO INTRODUCE THE IM TO THE HAM-HAMS RIGHT NOW AND JUST DO SOME RANDOM STUFF INSTEAD OF THE DRAMA! I'LL PUT THAT IN LATER CHAPTERS! READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!**

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Hamtaro- OrangeSunshine

Bijou- Ribbonluvr

Oxnard- iSunflowerseed

Boss- IAmBoss(!)

Pashmina- ILUVPINK

Penelope- Cutie123

Dexter- DexHasPex

Howdy- IcAnTsEeYoU

Maxwell- SmartyParty

Sandy- xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx

Stan- xxTIGERRIFFICxx

Panda- PandaPalooza

Cappy- Leprechaunkiddo

Snoozer- ZZZkid

Jingle- JingleBells

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_IcAnTsEeYoU has logged into the chat room_

_Cutie123 has logged into the chat room_

IcAnTsEeYoU: hi penny! where's your big sister, huh, little one?

Cutie123: just because im eight years old doesn't mean that you can talk to me like i'm 2

IcAnTsEeYoU: oh, penny, aren't you just so cute when you try to order me around? now where's pashmina?

Cutie123: call me penny one more time and you'll regret it for all eternity, even if heaven or hell… or a dark box

IcAnTsEeYoU: …

Cutie123: TALK, COWBOY

IcAnTsEeYoU: uh, where's pashmina… punk?

Cutie123: thats better! she's out getting her hair cut

IcAnTsEeYoU: y? i liked her long hair

Cutie123: idk, it was something about dexter not recognizing her

IcAnTsEeYoU: MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Cutie123: did u just seriously evil laugh?

IcAnTsEeYoU: maybe…

Cutie123: MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Cutie123: mine was better

IcAnTsEeYoU: no mine was

Cutie123: mine was!

IcAnTsEeYoU: MINE!

Cutie123: MINE!

_SmartyParty has logged into the chat room_

SmartyParty: YO, HOMIES, DID DEXTER FINALLY CHANGE HIS USERNAME?!

IcAnTsEeYoU: i don't… think so…

SmartyParty: Cutie123, dudet, are you really Dexter, but pretending to be Penelope? WOOOOOOOOOORD?!

Cutie123: y r u asking?!

SmartyParty: Because, chickera, Howdy and you were fighting and that means that Cutie123 is really Dexter. Dexter, jealous of Penelope's occupation, decided to kidnap her and Penelope is now stuffed in a dirty hole. It all makes sense now! IN YO FACE, HOMIES! DIS IS SO PIMP!

Cutie123: Nice work, Sherlock… You should work on CSI: Miami

_Max'sMom has logged into the chat room_

SmartyParty: MOTHER?!

Max'sMom: Maxwell, that's enough IMing! You're spreading enough of your stupid psychology to all of your friends. Log off, now, Maxwell!

SmartyParty: But, Mother, I just wanted to talk to my friends!

Max'sMom: NOW, YOUNG MISTER

SmartyParty: Yes, mommy…

_SmartyParty has logged out of the chat room_

Cutie123: Hi, Maxwell's mom!

Max'sMom: Oh, hello, Penny sweetums! Where is Pashmina?

Cutie123: getting her head shaved!

Max'sMom: Oh… oh dear… Um, goodbye!

Cutie123: bye!

IcAnTsEeYoU: bye!

_Max'sMom has logged out of the chat room_

Cutie123: I like Maxwell's mom, she's a jerk…

IcAnTsEeYoU: omg, i don't want to think about it.

Cutie123: think about what?

IcAnTsEeYoU: NEVERMIND! UR TOO YOUNG TO UNDERSTAND!

_iSunflowerseed has logged into the chat room_

_xxTIGERRIFFICxx has logged into the chat room_

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: Good morrow, fellow ham-hams! Doth thou partake in such events to what I owe the pleasure of involvement?

iSunflowerseed: i have no idea what stan just said. if that IS stan

IcAnTsEeYoU: uh, stan?

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: What wouldst thou like to speak from their heart?

IcAnTsEeYoU: how much botox did you use?!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: shut up, i made a bet with Maxwell that i could talk like this while he would talk like a pimp kid

_xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx has logged into the chat room_

xxTIGRESSLICOUSxx: AHA! YO, STAN, MY HOMIE, YOU OWE ME FIFTY BUCKS, WORD!

Cutie123: is… is that you, maxwell?

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: TOTALLY! DUDES, HOMIES, AND DUDET, I WON THE BET! I WON THE BET! THE MAXTER PIMPSTER WON THE BET!!! IN FRONT OF "STANSPEARE" OVER HERE!

iSunflowerseed: aren't you on sandy's account?

xxTIGRESSLICOUSxx: yup, it's sandy typing right now! i let max on my account so we could catch Stan. we totally knew that he couldn't talk like Shakespeare

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: … DANGTH MY SISTER AND HER PIMP BOYFRIEND! THEYTH WORKTH AGAINST ME AND I, ALAS, WAS CAUGHT OFF GUARD…ITH

xxTIGRESSLICOUSxx: (This is Maxwell talking) I expect you, Stan, with fifty bucks tomorrow at school! I fare thee well!

_SmartyParty has logged into the chat room_

iSunflowerseed: hey, max, who's on your account?

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: I have no idea…

SmartyParty: MAXWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL! YOU ARE COMING FOR DINNER AT THIS SECOND! I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU DENIED ME, YOU GOT ON SANDY'S ACCOUNT?! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET STAN'S MONEY, YOU ARE GOING TO GET YOUR BIG HEAD OVER TO THE KITCHEN TABLE AND WE ARE GOING TO EAT LIKE A REGULAR, HAPPY FAMILY! AND YOU WILL BE _HAPPY!_ HAPPY, I TELL, YOU _HAPPY! _

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: uh… this is sandy

SmartyParty: I KNOW IT'S YOU MAXWELL! I'M NOT STUPID, WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU GET YOUR SMARTS FROM?! YOUR FATHER?! PSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!! GET YOURSELF DOWN HERE THIS MOMENT!

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: Dang, I thought that was actually going to work… Bye everyone… Sandy's going to stay on

_SmartyParty has logged out of the chat room_

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: … LOL, ROFL, LMAO!

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: shut up, stan, maxwell's mom is at my house NOW. oh, and ur right across the hall, ha ha.

iSunflowerseed: what's happening now?!

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: she's talking to my mom…

IcAnTsEeYoU: what now?

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: they're knocking on my door, maxwell is pale white

Cutie123: what else?

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: i'm being yelled at for letting maxwell on my account. maxwell is still very very very pale. DUDES, HE LOOKS LIKE A VAMPIRE RIGHT NOW! LOL, I TOLD HIM THAT, HE SAYS THAT HE'S GONNA STRANGLE ME IF I SAY THAT AGAIN!!!!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: GASP! I _KNEW _IT! DON'T WORRY, SANDS! I'LL RUN ACROSS THE HALL WITH A WOODEN STICK TO POKE THE VAMPIRE WITH! I'LL SAVE MY 'LIL SIS!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!!!!

_xxTIGERRIFFICxx is now idle_

iSunflowerseed: oh my dang…

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: now stan has his giant stick… he burst into my room… everyone's staring at him… he yells "PERISH FROM MY SWORD, VAMPIRE, FORTH I BE A VAMPIRE SLAYER! GET AWAY FROM MY SISTER, FANGBOY!"… he's starting to poke maxwell in the chest with his twig… the stick broke after the first poke… maxwell's chasing stan now… i'm staring at them… i'm laughing… stan jumped out the window and he's running for his sorry life… maxwell is cussing him out and flipping him in Japanese AND French AND English… and they're both gone!

Cutie123: *sniffle* I love happy endings!

xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx: uh oh, i gtg now. poor max, i have to comfort him. i'll see you l8r stan, i'm going over to max's house for dinner.

_xxTIGERRIFFICxx is no longer idle_

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: DON'T BE FOOLED BY "MAX TOLD ME TO COME TO HIS HOUSE FOR DINNER!" THEY'RE GONNA DRINK YOUR BLOOD, SANDY, DON'T GO IN THAT HOUSE! I FORBID YE TO ENTER THAT DOOR!

_xxTIGRESSLICIOUSxx has logged out of the chat room_

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: …

Cutie123: I'm sorry, stan…

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: WOO, HOO, I'M AN ONLY CHILD NOW! HARK, FORTH THE BELL OF FREEDOM HATH RUNG THROUGHOUT ALL OF JAPAN! I'M GOING TO GO CELEBRATE NOW! YOU HAVE A NICE LIFE, FARE THEE WELL!

_xxTIGERRIFFICxx has logged out of the chat room_

IcAnTsEeYoU: i still cannot believe that's stan.

iSunflowerseed: oh well!

Cutie123: is there seriously only three people on the chat?!

iSunflowerseed: if you can't count that high, then you probably don't have a good chance of making it to a good college

Cutie123: GACK, THAT'S IT! I'M DONE WITH THIS! I'M GOING TO GO MAKE FUN OF PASHMINA'S BALD HEAD NOW!

_Cutie123 has logged out of the chat room_

iSunflowerseed: well, it looks like it's just us!

IcAnTsEeYoU: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! SOMEONE ELSE HAS TO BE ON THIS CHAT!!!

_Micheal Phelps has now logged into the chat room_

iSunflowerseed: GASP! IS THAT REALLY YOU, MICHEAL PHELPS!?

Micheal Phelps: Uh, so I'm guessing that isn't the conference chat room?

_IAmBoss(!) has logged into the chat room_

IAmBoss(!): Hi, Micheal! Welcome to the conference room!

Micheal Phelps: Boss, this says "The Ham-Ham Chat Room". Not the conference room for my next Olympics.

iSunflowerseed: I LOVE YOU MICHEAL PHELPS! YOU ARE MY MODEL FOR SWIMMING! EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T SWIM, I JUST SINK! I DID THAT IN THE OCEAN, IT WASN'T PLEASANT BECAUSE THE FISH WERE MAKING FUN OF ME!

Micheal Phelps: Feh… This is just another fan-based kind of stuff. Goodbye.

IAmBoss(!): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

_Micheal Phelps has logged out of the chat room_

IAmBoss(!): NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID, OXNARD! THIS IS THE SAME EXACT THING THAT YOU DID TO GEORGE LOPEZ ON MYSPACE!!

iSunflowerseed: ALL I SAID WAS THAT WE'RE BROTHERS BECAUSE WE'RE BOTH FAT!!!

IcAnTsEeYoU: oh lord…

IAmBoss(!): i can't take you oxnard!

IcAnTsEeYoU: oxnard, you might want to bolt your door tonight

_SCARYSTALKER has logged into the chat room_

SCARYSTALKER: and lock your windows, oxnard… i'm watching you…

_SCARYSTALKER has logged out of the chat room_

iSunflowerseed: I have a stalker?

_SCARYSTALKER has logged into the chat room_

SCARYSTALKER: Yes, Oxnard… Yes, you do…

_SCARYSTALKER has logged out of the chat room_

iSunflowerseed: I NOW ACTUALLY WANT TO GO TO REHAB TO AVOID MY STALKER!!!

IAmBoss(!): this is what you get for eating my jalapeño!

IcAnTsEeYoU: ON A STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!

iSunflowerseed: i'm sorry, IM is too scary!

_iSunflowerseed has logged out of the chat room_

Ribbonluvr: bonjour, everyone! why are you doing jeff dunham jokes?

IAmBoss(!): Oxnard ate my jalapeno!

IcAnTsEeYoU: ON A STIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!

IAmBoss(!): Shut up!

IcAnTsEeYoU: excuse me! you can't tell me to "shut up" on IM. its impossible, dummy

IAmBoss(!): grrrrrrrrrrr…

Ribbonluvr: you know, boss, you won't make many friends if you growl at people

IcAnTsEeYoU: or bite them

_xxTIGERRIFFICxx has logged into the chat room_

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: yea! like maxwell!

Ribbonluvr: maxwell… bites people?

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! HE'S A VAMPIRE!!! NO WONDER HE'S STUCK IN A LIBRARY ALL THE DANG TIME! HE'S AFRAID OF THE SUN

Ribbonluvr: stan, that is the stupidest the thing i've heard you say. and that's pretty stupid

IcAnTsEeYoU: GASP!!! MAXWELL IS VAMPIRE?!

IAmBoss(!): OMG, I HAVE TO TELL SOMEBODY!

_IcAnTsEeYoU has logged out of the chat room_

_IAmBoss(!) has logged out of the chat room_

Ribbonluvr: stan, you are so dumb!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: hey, at least i'm not stupid!

Ribbonluvr: i wonder why i even bother

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: u know u love me!

Ribbonluvr: *throws up*

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: u know you that boss loves you?

Ribbonluvr: *throws up*

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: … you know that hamtaro loves you?

Ribbonluvr: REALLY?! WHERE'D YOU HEAR THAT?!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: um… Hamtaro?

_OrangeSunshine has logged into the chat room_

OrangeSunshine: someone say my name?

Ribbonluvr: YOU LOVE ME, HAMTARO?!

OrangeSunshine: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

Ribbonluvr: At school?

OrangeSunshine: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

Ribbonluvr: At your high school football games?

OrangeSunshine: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

Ribbonluvr: :(

OrangeSunshine: no no! don't cry, i hate to see you cry!

Ribbonluvr: really?

OrangeSunshine: yea, it's almost as if the world stops when you cry. please don't cry

Ribbonluvr: Oh, Hamtaro…

OrangeSunshine: Aw, Bijou…

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: WHAT ABOUT STAN?!

OrangeSunshine: STAN!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: HAMTARO! BIJOU!

Ribbonluvr: STAN!

OrangeSunshine: BIJOU!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: HAMTARO!

Ribbonluvr: STOP IT!!!!

OrangeSunshine: Bijou…

Ribbonluvr: oh, be quiet…

OrangeSunshine: bijou, will you be my penguin?

Ribbonluvr: what?

OrangeSunshine: i read that when penguins choose their mates, they stay with them forever no matter what. be my penguin?

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW... YOUNG LOVE!

OrangeSunshine: stay out of this stan! so what do you say bijou?

Ribbonluvr: 3

OrangeSunshine: … so is that a yes or no?

Ribbonluvr: of course! you wanna go to the carnival tomorrow with the others?

OrangeSunshine: sure, bijou, anything you want

Ribbonluvr: okay…

OrangeSunshine: is something wrong?

Ribbonluvr: idk, its just that we're on IM the entire time. it doesn't seem very good, does it? i can barely remember my own screen name!

OrangeSunshine: yea, ur right. hopefully we'll find some kinds of names that will make sense and everyone can understand. like howdy's screen name was "IcAnTsEeYoU".

Ribbonluvr: probably because he squints

OrangeSunshine: yeah, but it's so confusing! you want to come over and study at my house now?

Ribbonluvr: of course! i'll see you l8r

OrangeSunshine: I'll run as fast as i can!

Ribbonluvr: don't trip

OrangeSunshine: i'll try not to, but i probably will

_OrangeSunshine has logged out of the chat room_

_Ribbonluvr has logged out of the chat room_

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: so… they want new screen names? well, i'll give them new screen names… MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: oh dang, i just realized that i need a hobby…

_xxTIGERRIFFICxx has logged out of the chat room_

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DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!! WHAT WILL STAN DO TO THE HAM-HAMS SCREEN NAMES? WHY DOES HE HAVE AN EVIL LAUGH? WHAT DOES PASHMINA'S HAIRCUT LOOK LIKE? WHY AM I ASKING YOU THESE QUESTIONS WHEN YOU'LL NEVER FIGURE OUT THE ANSWER?

A special thanks goes out to **DolphinGoddess 17 **for reviewing and helping me with the screen names! She's one of the people that keep me going for this.

NOTE: I only write this because I have nothing else to do during summer…


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Wow, I rarely put this disclaimer thing up. Ready to hear it? You REALLY ready? Okay, here it is… I don't own Hamtaro. WASN'T THAT SO EPIC!?

**This time, the ham-hams' usernames are CHANGED. Yeah, you can thank Stan for that… You'll have to guess who's who though!!**

This chapter is a birthday gift sent out to one of my bestest buddies, Cyndaquil255! Happy Birthday!

* * *

_xxTIGERRIFFICxx has logged into the chat room_

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: watch, they'll all be coming…

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: hey, does anyone know how to do an evil smiley? how about this? Y_Y muwhahahahahaha….

_DiscoloredHairFREAK has logged into the chat room_

DiscoloredHairFREAK: Hiya, stan! anything new?

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: nope, not at all… hamtaro

DiscoloredHairFREAK: something seems a little different, don't you think?

_PerfectLittleNagger has logged into the chat room_

PerfectLittleNagger: um, what happened to my screen name?

DiscoloredHairFREAK: what, doesn't it fit your personality?

PerfectLittleNagger: I DO NOT NAG!

DiscoloredHairFREAK: yes you do…

PerfectLittleNagger: How do you know who I am? i'm BIJOU. not a nagger

DiscoloredHairFREAK: BIJOU?! OMIGOSH, IT'S ME HAMTARO! And yes, you do nag

PerfectLittleNagger: I DO NOT NAG!

_IAmBossy(!) has logged into the chat room_

IAmBossy(!): … okay, who did this to me?!

DiscoloredHairFREAK: OH, OH, IT WAS THE NAGGER!

PerfectLittleNagger: I DO NOT NAG!

IAmBossy(!): i get this strange feeling that DiscoloredHairFREAK is Hamtaro…

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: Congrats, Boss! You win a trip to… where you are now!

IAmBossy(!): i don't care about that! Stan! who changed the screen names? you better speak up!

DiscoloredHairFREAK: IT WAS THE NAGGER!

PerfectLittleNagger: I DO NOT NAG, HAMTARO!

DiscoloredHairFREAK: then why do you have "nagger" in your screen name!? LYING IS A SIN YOU KNOW!! YOU'RE SUCH A NAGGER THAT EVEN THE DEVIL WON'T ACCEPT YOU IN HELL SO YOU WOULD BE IN A CARDBOARD BOX!! just like howdy will…

IAmBossy(!): enough, hamtaro! we need to figure out who changed the screen names. who seems suited for the job?

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: it was you, Boss!

IAmBossy(!): wait… you're stan, how did you know that i was Boss?! have you been stalking me or something?!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: uh… IT WASN'T ME WHO CHANGED THE SCREEN NAMES!

_VampyMaxy has logged into the chat room_

IAmBossy(!): GACK! IT'S THE VAMPIRE!!!

PerfectLittleNagger: you mean maxwell?

DiscoloredHairFREAK: maxwell's a vampire?!

VampyMaxy: Great Galileo above, what happened to the world while I was gone for the past ten minutes? No, I'm sorry, the past_ eight _minutes.

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: no idea, dude, but your screen name is FUNNY

VampyMaxy: YOU MEAN THAT I'VE BEEN HACKED BY SOME FLIRT?!

PerfectLittleNagger: Stan?! you did this?!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: uh… no?

_iShort has logged into the chat room_

iShort: NOOOOOOOO! SOMEONE FOUND OUT MY HEIGHT!

_MaxyBiteMe has logged into the chat room_

MaxyBiteMe: hey everyone! what's up?

VampyMaxy: Someone please tell me that is Sandy.

MaxyBiteMe: yeah, it's me, why wouldn't it be?

PerfectLittleNagger: uh, sandy… look at the screen names

MaxyBiteMe: yeah, so-HOLY S***, MOTHERF***ER! WHAT THE F*** HAPPENED?!

VampyMaxy: Something dark and evil, something unwarrantable, sinful, beyond the pale … Stan hacked into our accounts and changed our screen names.

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: I did not!

iShort: CAPPY WILL GROW, I PROMISE I WILL!

PerfectLittleNagger: I DO NOT NAG!

VampyMaxy: I AM NOT A VAMPIRE!

IAmBossy(!): I AM NOT BOSSY!

MaxyBiteMe: MAXY IS NOT A VAMPIRE! AND I DON'T WANT TO BE BITTEN!!!

DiscoloredHairFREAK: I AM NOT A DISCOLORED HAIR FREAK! JUST LOOK AT BIJOU'S HAIR! IT'S FRIGGN' ALL WHITE!!

PerfectLittleNagger: hamtaro, as your girlfriend, i suggest that you don't make any comments like that

MaxyBiteMe: awwwwww, you guys are going out? you two are so cute together!

DiscoloredHairFREAK: wait, why can't I insult or tease Bijou?

VampyMaxy: HAMTARO, WITH MY EXPERIENCE, YOU REALLY DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND MAD.

DiscoloredHairFREAK: why not?

VampyMaxy: Trust me, don't…

DiscoloredHairFREAK: GASP! WHY WOULD I TRUST YOU, FANGBOY?!

VampyMaxy: Oh, no…

_FattyMcFatFat has logged into the chat room_

DiscoloredHairFREAK: gasp! is that you oxy?

FattyMcFatFat: yeah, why wouldn't it be me- HOLY, HOLY, HOLY, WHO FOUND OUT MY WEIGHT?!

iShort: YEAH! AND WHO FOUND OUT MY HEIGHT?!

IAmBossy(!): Stan… you haven't been talking much. did you do this to us?

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: um… no

VampyMaxy: LIAR!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: shut up vampy boy, why don't you turn into a bat and fly away. FAR away so I won't have to see you ever again

iShort: WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME BOSS?!

IAmBossy(!): WHAT?! I didn't do this!

PerfectLittleNagger: but it had to be stan!

VampyMaxy: I agree with the nagger! Boss isn't smart enough to hack into our computers!

PerfectLittleNagger: I DO NOT NAG!

MaxyBiteMe: yes you do…

PerfectLittleNagger: shut up, sandy, and eat your vegetables.

FattyMcFatFat: well i think that it was hamtaro!

DiscoloredHairFREAK: WHAT?!

_DexWillNeverHaveSex has logged into the chat room_

DexWillNeverHaveSex: … STANLEY TORAHAMU! I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN, RIP APART YOUR EYEBALLS, AND STUFF NAILS DOWN YOUR ALREADY MANGLED THROAT UNTIL YOU CHANGE MY SCREEN NAME!!!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: Heh, heh… IT WAS PANDA!

_HammerKillU has logged into the chat room_

HammerKillU: what about me?

FattyMcFatFat: hamtaro was one of my best friends, but now… HE'S FOUND OUT THAT MY BATHROOM SCALE IS BROKEN!!

DiscoloredHairFREAK: OMIGOSH! YOUR BATHROOM SCALE BROKE?! WHAT HAPPENED, DID YOU STEP ON IT!!

HammerKillU: What's with my screen name

DexWillNeverHaveSex: Stan. Stan's with your screen name

VampyMaxy: I think that I'd rather be emo than be a vampire…

IAmBossy(!): That can be arranged…

VampyMaxy: Kidding, Boss. Just kidding.

_StanIsSoSexy has logged into the chat room_

MaxyBiteMe: Okay, whoever that is has got some issues going on…

DexWillNeverHaveSex: True dat

StanIsSoSexy: guys, it's me, Pashmina! what the heke happened to my screen name?

iShort: That's what we all want to know about our screen names. But we have all agreed that it was Stan

StanIsSoSexy: That explains my screen name SO well…

VampyMaxy: I WANT MY SCREEN NAME CHANGED, STAN! OR I WILL SERIOUSLY BITE YOU, I'M NOT KIDDING!! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: okay, geez! y do u have to be so emotional? ugh, i'll change your screen name

VampyMaxy: That's better.

_VampyMaxy has logged out of the chat room_

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: gosh, he is so emotional… and he wanted to be emo instead of being a vampire, that is some scary stuff

_xxTIGERRIFFICxx has logged out of the chat room_

HammerKillU: do you actually think that Stan will make it better?

MaxyBiteMe: all I know is that max is REALLY desperate

PerfectLittleNagger: SO ARE WE!!!

DiscoloredHairFREAK: SILENCE, NAGGER!!!

_xxTIGERRIFFICxx has logged into the chat room_

IAmBossy(!): did you change maxwell's screen name?

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: oh, i changed it all right. he should be logging in right… now

_EMOtionalVamp has logged into the chat room_

IAmBossy(!): Okay, THAT is funny

MaxyBiteMe: TOTALLY. maxy, u all right?

EMOtionalVamp: …

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: well, maxy? how do you like your new screen name?

EMOtionalVamp: I _will _kill you, Stan. I'll drag you into a dark alley with a dagger in one hand and a gun in the other. Once I put a bullet in a head and a dagger in your spleen, I'll stuff a pipe bomb down your throat and laugh manically as you body will burn. Burn, I say, BURN. Just you wait…

MaxyBiteMe: I'll never look at maxwell the same ever again now… That is so dark…

iShort: I CAN'T HELP IT!!!! MAXWELL'S SCREEN NAME IS HILARIOUS AND SO TRUE!!! LMAO!!!

EMOtionalVamp: I am NOT emo or a vampire!!!

DexWillNeverHaveSex: So you're a zombie?

EMOtionalVamp: NOOOOOOO!!

StanIsSoSexy: ur a werewolf?

EMOtionalVamp: I don't HOWL at the moon like Stan does.

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: So… the worst thing after that is… michael jackson? UR MICHAEL JACKSON!!!

**~BEEEEEEEEEP~**

**Okay, the terrible part of this chapter was that I had completely finished it the day BEFORE Michael Jackson died, thinking that I could just upload it on Thursday (June 25****th****). Well, what do you know? Michael Jackson just HAD to die that day. He just HAD too. Dang it, this chapter would've been better if it wasn't for Michael Jackson dying. Now all my material is ruined. I'm really sorry if this chapter isn't good because, you know, it would've been weird to write about Michael Jackson as an alive guy when he's dead. But you have to admit, it IS pretty ironic… Anyway, we'll miss you, MG, and your music AND your freaky ways. RIP. PSSSSTTT… Readers, this is your chance to put on Thriller and dance to it in his memory. RANDOM NOTE: I've been practicing my moon walking! XD**

**~BEEEEEEEEEEP~**

IAmBossy(!): but michael jackson is dead, stan.

_King-O-Pop has logged into the chat room_

King-O-Pop: What about me being dead?

EMOtionalVamp: WHOA, IT'S ACTUALLY MICHAEL JACKSON! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE UNDER A HEADSTONE RIGHT NOW!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!? WE DON'T WANT YOU ON OUR IM, IT'S ALREADY FREAKY ENOUGH WITH OUR SCREEN NAMES! RIGHT, EVERYONE?

DiscoloredHairFREAK: Yeah!

DexWillNeverHaveSex: I completely agree!

HammerKillU: Besides, it must be a fake michael jackson

King-O-Pop: I am not fake! I can moonwalk!

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: well, dude, your death was caused by when you were trying to moonwalk again, but apparently, you walked farther than the moon

StanIsSoSexy: Stan! That is so mean!

MaxyBiteMe: who ever said that stan wasn't supposed to be mean?

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: oh! i got another one!

PerfectLittleNagger: no! not in front of michael jackson!

King-O-Pop: someone say my name?

xxTIGERRIFFICxx: ahem… Michael Jackson's death was caused by having a heart attack when he looked in a mirror and finally realized what went wrong.

King-O-Pop: THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED!

EMOtionalVamp: Well, then what did happen? Your death WAS a mystery after all.

King-O-Pop: I'M NOT DEAD, I LIVE ON! RIGHT, OTHER MICHEAL?

_MichealPhelps has logged into the chat room_

MichealPhelps: Yea! MJ lives on, homies!

FattyMcFatFat: I LOVE YOU MICHEAL PHELPS! TEACH ME HOW TO LOOK GOOD IN A SUPER TIGHT SPEEDO, SHOWING EVERY SINGLE PART OF MY BODY EXCEPT FOR THE ONES THAT THE LITTLE ONES AREN'T SUPPOSED TO SEE!

MichealPhelps: Holy! It's the fat kid who scared George Lopez!

King-O-Pop: BOOK IT, MAN, OUR LIVES DEPEND ON IT!

_MichealPhelps and King-O-Pop have run away_

* * *

Sorry that was shortish. You guys will see a lot of Howdy and Penelope next chapter!

Next time… The hams are going to teach Stan a big lesson… It's bound to give you a few giggles.

YESH, I TYPED THAT ENTIRE LAST HALF WITH A BROKEN FINGER!!!


End file.
